He relied on me for school, support, and everything. I allowed him to lean on me; I had never experienced that before. I had never had anyone trust and depend on me for advice. He made me feel needed, and I, in turn, always made myself available every second of every day because I enjoyed how it felt when someone depended on me. He provided validation that I was special.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was losing myself. My world became Pete. I changed for him; I gave up my hobbies, avoided other friends, and said no to everything he wasn’t a part of. I mirrored his tastes, his opinions, even his silence. Eventually, I fell for him. I fell hard. I loved him with an intensity I had never felt before. He was more than a platonic friend; I wanted him to be my partner. I never dared to say it. I hoped, quietly, that he’d feel my love and maybe felt the same. I just kept liking the things he liked (sports, movies, music, etc.). I tried hard to become the type of girl he might love one day.

But he didn’t. One random day, without warning, Pete just vanished. No fight, no goodbye. Just paralyzing silence. I kept messaging, calling, begging for answers. I left message after message after message. I don’t know what happened. He simply stopped responding to me. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, and I couldn’t even do my makeup, which I value most. My school performance suffered. I barely passed my subjects, going from leading the class as the director to someone who didn’t even want to take on any responsibilities. I kept thinking about him. The time we spent together. The way I felt when I was with him. I had no energy, no spark left in me. I cried everywhere—in bathrooms, behind my notebook, and once, right in the arms of my friend Auria.

Auria was such a wonderful friend. She never abandoned me. She sat with me through my pain. She never judged me. She reminded me that I was still here, still breathing, and that I mattered. She took me to beaches, new cities, and introduced me to new people. She encouraged me to love myself more. At first, I barely reacted. But over time, I started laughing again. I looked up at sunsets and felt something beyond heartbreak. I felt myself falling in love with who I am. Auria never told me to “move on.” She always made herself available when I needed her and encouraged me to take care of myself.

Over time, I began to focus on myself. I reconnected with old friends, tried new things, joined pageants in college, and stepped out of my comfort zone. Slowly, I came back. I became the Riza I used to be before Pete. I still think of Pete sometimes. He never explained why he left. He never responded to any of my messages, and he also left our friend group. He never apologized for hurting me. Maybe he never will, and I’ve made peace with that.

What I had with Pete wasn’t just friendship, it was enmeshment. I loved him so much that I lost myself in him. I forgot who I was before he came into my life. I forgot how to love myself. And when he walked away, I thought I had nothing left. But Auria helped me rebuild. She helped me see that I was still valuable, regardless of whether I had Pete in my life or not. She reminded me that I mattered and that I was important.

I’ve grown a lot since then. Now, I don’t need anyone to complete me. I’ve matured. I think back on those times, and I laugh at how I let one person dictate my happiness. I’ve healed. I know who I am again, and this time, no one else defines that. Letting go of Pete broke me. But choosing myself saved me. I am now content with my relationships with others and my beloved partner.