Emotions Roller Coaster

Leaving my toxic ex-partner felt like I was on an emotional roller coaster ride. I felt up. I felt down. I experienced joy, freedom, and the absence of a controlling partner for a little moment. I was then overcome by a flood of anxiousness that engulfed me in uncertainty and memories. I reflected on the pleasant times I had in my relationship. I also started to slide into the dark days. 

It was like I had lost a piece of my heart, a piece of myself that made me feel whole. The sadness was overwhelming. Through therapy, I learned to understand my emotions better. I realized that different emotions are an integral part of the healing process. I also learned that I wasn’t broken, no matter how it felt. 

Ending my relationship was hard, but I learned how to regain my confidence and power. 

Recognizing Toxic Manipulative Behaviors

I can now see how my partner kept me in a cycle of abuse. I can see how I played into the unhealthy relationship. I can see that he often used different manipulation tactics to maintain control over me. He often used statements like “It’s your fault I’m unhappy!” Or “It’s your fault that this relationship is a mess.” 

My ex constantly criticized me, which caused me to lose a great deal of self-confidence, leading to extremely low self-esteem now. Often, he would pull me in and then push me back out. He built me up and tore me down. 

One moment, I was the best thing that ever happened to him, and then I was the worst. This push-and-pull game made it hard for me to leave. When things were good, they were excellent, but when they were bad, they were horrible.

I can now recognize negative and manipulative tactics in myself and others. I can see red flags in relationships more clearly. I can identify controlling behaviors within myself, and I’ve come to understand that even if someone wants you to change, they can’t make you change. I also realize that some manipulators just try to trick you into staying by promising to change. Finally, I now see that can be autonomous and free.  

I am stronger than I ever thought, and I am getting help to overcome my BPD tendencies.  

For me, journaling was one of my favorite ways to express my emotions. Daily journaling helps me grieve safely. When I left my ex, I wrote letters I never sent. Writing about my feelings helped me stay true to myself and transition into a life of my own. Writing helped me close the chapter of victimhood, while it inspired me to let go of a person who abused me.  Journaling helped free me from emotional rollercoasters. 

Boundaries, No Contact, and Support

I learned that you often must set boundaries. They are not for the other person; they are for you. Boundaries help you protect your mental health. My ex kept trying to reconnect with me. He tried to manipulate my emotions by promising that he’d change. However, I kept reminding myself that his actions spoke louder than his words. 

I often practiced with my therapist on how to reinforce my boundaries. When I faced pushback, I reminded myself that I am worthy of respect and love and don’t deserve mistreatment. I also surrounded myself with caring friends, family members, and professional resources, which was important to my healing. I needed people in my life who loved me unconditionally.

Support groups also helped, as I often heard stories of people going through similar situations. Reading self-help books can also be beneficial. Both provided me with comfort and insight into the separation process. Having a shoulder to lean on or cry on while you re-empower yourself will help you get through the pain more easily. 

Moving Forward

I went through moments of joy, waves of grief, bursts of anger, and, over time, found my way to acceptance. I made an effort to take care of myself and eat healthy foods during the healing process.

Leaving a toxic relationship is difficult, but it’s essential if you want to heal. You can’t improve your situation by being around toxic people. By preparing yourself for intense emotions, recognizing manipulation, seeking closure, and establishing boundaries while relying on your support system, you can get through the pain to the good times. Independence takes time, but as you grow and heal, you will see that you are the captain of your future. Even during a tsunami or hurricane, you can make it through. Stay firm, embrace the lessons, and continue your path toward peace and tranquility. 

If you find yourself in too much distress, connect with a trauma-informed therapist or life coach. They can help give you the tools to process your experiences and move forward in your future with strength and clarity. Finally, healing doesn’t just mean moving on. It’s about gaining a deeper understanding of yourself and what you truly deserve.